Depression just is … like the weather

“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.

“Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.” — Stephen Fry

It was never the plan to write three columns about depression. After all, does anyone really care about someone fighting depression? Apparently so, based on comments from some that read the columns. 

It did not take courage to share this journey publicly. It did take a desire to help others who are struggling. Depression, mental health and suicide were discussions that were often avoided or whispered. We just didn’t talk about them.   

For years no one talked about the PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) that our veterans suffered. It wasn’t until 1980 that PTSD became a formal diagnosis. Soldiers from earlier wars certainly had it, too. It was often called “shell shock” or “war neurosis.” Most went undiagnosed, suffered in silence or committed suicide. 

I wasn’t born when Dad came home from Korea. It wasn’t until decades later he shared the horrors of what he saw. As a Navy “Doc” for Marines, he was on the front lines treating the wounded. 

I was in elementary school when he came home from Vietnam. Was he different? Yes. Was he depressed? Likely. There wasn’t a lot of joy in him. Again, it took decades for him to reluctantly share what happened in ‘Nam. He was stationed in the DMZ at a civilian hospital. Once again, treating wounded and hurt but this time they were South Vietnamese people. Many were children. Many died. It took its toll. 

Nobody wants to be depressed. The best “cure” is normalizing it. Having straight-forward conversations, not hiding it, not stereotyping, not being afraid to ask if someone is O.K. and what can you do to help, not saying “Snap out of it.” 

Like the quote above says, depression just is.