Things we were told as children … that never happened

Since so many of my columns lately have been a serious tone. Thought writing something fun would be a nice change. (You still need to get registered to vote and then vote, though.) 

Steva Dooley and I got to visiting about some other things we were told as children that weren’t true. Remember when we were told a liar’s pants would catch on fire? Sure wish this one was true but, alas, it never happened. 

Pretty sure we’ve all ended up with seeds in our stomach, but a watermelon never grew. Did you ever swallow your gum and take seven years to pass it? Likely not. How many of us didn’t wait an hour after eating to swim and lived? Never seen a person whose face actually froze making a mean face. As many times as we made cross-eyes, they never did stay that way. Did a bird ever poop on your pouty lip? 

Steva was told by an uncle not to stick a finger in her ear because the gears would grind it off. Neither of us caught a cold after going outside with wet hair in the winter. 

As a public service announcement for some of you who might want to try this: If you grab an electric fence with your right hand, the spark doesn’t come out your left big toe. Sadly, it took some of us trying it a few times to figure out it wasn’t true. (Thanks a bunch Ray F and Kent N.) Ray learned a harder lesson when he urinated on a hot fence. No rainbow appeared. Another Kent trick. 

Were you ever told you swallow seven spiders a year if you sleep with your mouth open? Yuck but apparently it is not likely a spider is going to just hang around in your bed unless there is prey like bedbugs. Thank goodness. 

Does cracking your knuckles give you arthritis? No but it would be interesting to find all the boys in junior high that cracked their knuckles to see if any did get arthritis. 

Sitting too close to a TV doesn’t damage our eyes. Oh man, how close we would get to those big black and white TVs as kids only to be told to scoot back. Maybe we sat so close so we could change the channel (all 3 of them) by hand. 

Millions and millions of us were tricked into behaving with threats of our parents telling Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny. 

Despite being told we had to eat carrots to improve our eyesight, it didn’t help. Another dastardly trick played on us by adults. 

Just so you know, it isn’t illegal to drive barefoot or with the dome light on. Nor will coffee stunt your growth. Still wishing the pants on fire warning had been true. What a sight that would be.